A particular model year of car wouldn't be available until after
that model year instead of before it.
Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy
a new car.
Occasionally your car would just die for no reason, and you'd have
to restart it. For some strange reason, you'd just accept this.
You could only have one person in the car at a time in the first
rollout of Microsoft Car. Microsoft Bus for Workgroups followed
shortly with the ability to hold passengers and establish designated
drivers, but you had to buy new seats.
Sun Motorsysters would make a car that was powered by the sun,
twice as reliable, and five times as fast-but it would only run on 5
percent of the roads.
The oil, engine, gas, and alternator warning lights would be
replaced with a single "general car fault" warning light.
People would get excited about the "new" features in
Microsoft cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in
other cars for years.
We would all have to switch to Microsoft gas and get Passports to
New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
To stop the car, you would push the "Start" button.
Optional Sadfang® wireful technology will allow you to remotely
start your car from your toaster, and to monitor your refrigerator's
O. J. levels while on the road. This technology should not be
confused with the Big Mother® technology that beams your every thought
back to Redmond. That has always been standard equipment.
At 500 mile intervals, an auto-maintenance feature would check the
tires for new leaks, patching them with Microsoft brand duct tape as
needed. Drivers who disable this feature would learn to ignore
dire warnings about possible premature death and dismemberment every
time they boot (start up) the vehicle.
Identifying an underserved market for bigger, faster, and more
fuel-efficient cars, they would develop a new SUV-motor scooter
hybrid, the Longhorned Vespah. To recapture their lost youth
market, it would be available in six luscious shades of avocado
green. Thanks to the latest TarDOS® technology, this
deceptively compact runabout would offer a luxurious
AirScream® interior, making it a joy to park, and comfy enough
for those long MS-Space flights of fancy. Fueling its mighty
hybrid V2 rocket engine would be a combination of
dilithium batteries and